Can you Coach yourself
Are you interested in hiring a coach but are not really sure what it’s all about? It can be very overwhelming asking for help with intangible things like our thoughts and emotions, leadership, or communication skills. I often hear a lot of questions about coaching; what is it? Why would you hire a coach? How do you even pick one there are so many?! These are all valid questions that I will go over in this article.
What is coaching?
Coaching is a way of teaching, communicating, and leading that relies on curiosity and asking the right questions to maximize someone’s potential. It’s not giving people answers, but helping them solve their own problem by getting them to think about their problem from a different angle. Most people know the answer to their problem; they just need a bit of help getting there. Being coached through a problem is like stepping back and seeing from another perspective. Your awareness of the problem and its variables is increased, and you also learn a lot about yourself in the process.
For example: It can be very difficult for a perfectionist to let something be “good enough”. You can become hyper fixated on perfecting the project, while ignoring the increasing backlog of other projects. A coach can provide the perfectionist with space to think and reflect about the project and ask them questions to get through the fear of feeling like a failure if their project is not “perfect”. Perfectionism is an issue that will show up in all aspects life, not just at work. If a coach can walk you through one problem then you can start to learn the skill of questioning your own tendencies and may start to apply it to other areas of your life. Awareness and self reflection are key to personal growth and will affect multiple areas of your life.
Sounds easy, Can’t I just coach myself?
The short answer is not really. Yes you can read books, watch videos and go through the motions, but you will always be blind to what your unconscious does not want you to see. Hireling a coach will be the fastest way for you to break through the invisible wall that is holding you back.
Why hire a coach?
The main reason to hire a coach is that they have done this before. Most coaches want to help people who have the same struggle as them so they know what they are talking about. While your situation will be unique to you, coaches have seen lots of similar situations and know how other people found solutions to their problems. While they won’t tell you what to do, they can offer can multiple directions for you to explore. You can stumble around in the dark and slowly figure out what works and does not work, or you can hire someone with experience to get you there quicker as you can learn from their experience and failures instead of experiencing the failures first hand.
Another good reason to hire a coach is that they are the objective observer. They are not caught up in your story nor do they have attachments to the outcome or the people involved. You are too close to your problem to be able to see it fully. You are also not able to see your roll in the problem and how you may be getting in your own way or sabotaging yourself. Remember your ego think it is keeping you safe but it is not aware of all the other ways of approaching the situation. An outside observer can easily see where you are tripping yourself up and by asking you questions you can start to reflect on your behaviors that you never thought to question before.
Why are there so many coaches out there?
There are lots of different types of coaches because there are lots of different types of problems. There are: life coach, business coach, sport specific coach, fitness coach, learning coach/tutor, financial coach, etc. For every niche there is a coach. It may seem overkill, or that people are unwilling to put in the hard to work of learning things themselves, but coaches have always been a part of society. Coaches often show up in the form of elders or mentors, someone who takes you under their wing, shows you the ropes, and helps you trouble shoot problems when they arise. Support groups, friends, and even bartenders and hairdressers all act out coach archetype when they hold space for people to reflect on their problems.
How do I find the right coach?
Good news is that most coaches don’t want to work with just anyone and they are looking for the right clients. They put out content as a form of advertising, and it allows you a safe space to get to know them. Coaches may be active on social medial, YouTube, have a podcast, or a comprehensive website for you to learn all about them and their method. Some even have a free info session or discover call where you can meet with them to see if you are truly a good fit for each other.
Above all else you need to trust your coach. The coaching experience can be very intimate. You are going to have to be very venerable with them in order to achieve progress. The more open and honest you can be with them, the more open and honest you are being with yourself and the quicker you will be able to get to the root of the problem so you can grow. Having trust in your coach will also come in handy when you meet resistance. They will need to be able to push you and this is usually a very uncomfortable but necessary process for you to shed your old self and grow into your more developed self.
When you are feeling stuck and don’t know which way to go, think about hiring a coach. They will help you get through your struggles faster than if you go it alone. Struggling is exhausting and life is always difficult, but you don’t have to make it harder on yourself!
