What are goals? According to Wikipedia “A goal is an idea of the future or desired result that a person or a group of people envision, plan and commit to achieve. People endeavour to reach goals within a finite time by setting deadlines”. If we break this definition down into some key words we can see a goal has 4 parts: future, desired results, plan, and deadlines. Sounds easy enough but then why are they so hard to achieve?

First thing is to look at your goals and ask where the goals are coming from. Often goals come from our ego. The ego is defined as the centre of the conscious mind, the sense of I. It is guided by the five senses and is focused on the external world. The Ego is always judging through the five senses and deciding on what and who you need to be in order to survive. When goals are made from the ego they are based solely on the external world, not the internal world. The ego does not take notice of the internal world which leaves blind spots in your goals. This is why when you obtain ego based goals they do not bring you satisfaction, so you set new goals on getting more; more money, more weight loss, more things, more, more, more…

Have you ever set a goal, achieved it, and then realized it was not really what you wanted? Or stubbornly held onto the achievement waiting to feel better?

If not Ego Goals, Than What?

It is really hard to set goals not based on material desires; after all we have five senses to experience these types of goals. One of the main problems is that we use the feeling of achieving the goal as a reward and not a guiding principal. The driving force behind our goals often sounds like “when I get _______ (external) then I will be happy (internal result)”. This leaves you unable to feel happy until this goal is achieved. For some people that is all the motivation then need, but for most people it puts the goal, and happiness, out of reach and they give up. Then we do this nasty thing where we use unattained goals to beat ourselves up and confirm out bias about why we are unhappy or unworthy. This is where shame comes into play and it makes goals even harder to obtain.

Have you ever engaged in negative self talk because you set unrealistic goals, couldn’t meet them, and interpreted that as a character flaw? This really highlights how your ego keeps you limited, because if you set an unobtainable goal, you won’t achieve it and then you never have to change. If you get the promotion, you will become a supervisor, then you will have to be responsible for other people. A lot of change will come of this goal and your ego doesn’t really want that, or at least there is a lot of unconscious apprehension or fear about this change.

Instead of the ego goals, focus on the feeling you will have when the goal is achieved, the feeling becomes the goal and you can loosen the attachment to the external goal and focus on the internal goal, I like to call these Soul Goals.

A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.
- Bruce Lee

By focusing on the internal goal you will start heading towards what you need and not what you think you want. Your wants and your needs are often very different. It is really important to remember what you want has been programmed by your family and cultural norms. So there are lots of things you associate with success, but are not necessarily what success looks like for you on a deeper level. Depending on where you grew up you might think having a big house on an acreage, or a penthouse apartment downtown, is success. We all want to be successful, but you need to get in tune with what success is for you, for your true self, not what it is for your family or what society is selling you.

When you align your wants and you needs, Magic happens!

There is nothing more deflating then getting the goal and still feeling empty inside because it was not what you needed. You became attached to the external brining you happiness and you put on blinders to other possibilities that would allow you to achieve the goal. Right now you are not even aware of the possibilities that you will have in your life to help you reach your goal. By focusing on the feeling you can let the details be filled in as they come along. Having soul goals is great when you are not sure what you want, you just know you don’t have it yet. Sometimes you may want something different but are not sure what that even looks like. If you focus on the feeling you stay open to the external experience that will give you that feeling and not get lost in trying to figure out what it all looks like right now.

Now I’m not saying throw away frameworks for REAL goals and SMART goals, see below for definitions. They are both great tools to help you define your goals and to make sure you have the greatest possibly for success. I suggest that you take some time to reflect on why you want these goals and focus on the feelings they bring up.

Here are some great questions to journal about to help you gain clarity on your goals:

1. What is my goal? Is it a thing I want, a feeling, a situation or experience?

2. Why do I want this goal? What gap in my life will this goal fill?

3. How will I be different if I achieve this goal?

4. Why do I feel I have not been able to achieve this goal?

5. What kind of person already has the goals I want?

6. What is holding me back from being that person right now? Is that true?

7. What are all the ways I can achieve my goal? Open yourself up to unlimited potential.

8. Who will be affected by my goal and what involvement would l like from them, physical or emotional support? Keep in mind this is an aspect you cannot control. Be aware of when your desire for someone else’s involvement is holding you back. (What if you never get your parents approval?)

Goal setting are rarely a one and done sort of thing. So I encourage you to set an alarm in your calendar to revisit your goals in 1 month, 3 months, 6 moths, and one year from now. Assuming you set a long term goal, just shorten the time frame if you set a short term goal. Revisiting your goals helps you acknowledge progress, reconfirms commitment and allows you the space to shift your goals. Often as you start to work towards you goal you may realise your needs and wants were not lining up and you need to shift your target a bit. Or you may see you were totally off and want to start from scratch. Either is fine. The main thing is to just be making progress and never stand still.

When goals go, meaning goes. When meaning goes, purpose goes. When purpose goes, life goes dead on our hands.
- Carl Jung

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REAL Goals

· Resonate with you emotionally, based on your core values

· Empower you intrinsically - I am/I will, not one day I might be

· Action is required, take steps to move forward and celebrate each one

· Lucrative, you get something out of it (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically)

BE SMART Goals

· Balanced – compliments your life direction and does not force a huge shift

· Evaluated – the goal will meet the desired change, do what set out to do

· Specific and precise – more details increase success rate of the goal, answer who, what, where, when, how, and why.

· Measureable and have a metric – measuring progress helps you keep on track. How will you know when the goal has been accomplished?

· Achievable and attainable – confidence and a positive outlook are essential to maintaining momentum towards your goal

· Realistic and relevant – must be related to something you are willing and able to work towards

· Time bound - needs to have a time frame, ‘someday’ is always in the future

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